


we go on living

by LuthienKenobi



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Episode: s01e10 Co-Captain, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Season/Series 01, because the Hales were his pack too, the quiet lonely grief of Alan Deaton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27911851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienKenobi/pseuds/LuthienKenobi
Summary: For years, Beacon Hills had been the epicenter of a years-long cold war between supernaturals and hunters. But once that war burned hot, it was over nearly as soon as it started.He was supposed to keep that from happening; preserve the balance.He’d failed.
Relationships: Alan Deaton & Scott McCall
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	we go on living

**Author's Note:**

> As always, a gigantic thank you to my lovely beta, [momentofmemory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentofmemory)! Assisting me with the editing process is always the writing equivalent of pulling teeth, and she was nothing but patient with me.

The worst part about the world shattering is that everything remains the same. 

Deaton learns about the fire on the local news, and by that time, the house is nothing more than smoldering ruins. The newscaster labels it a tragic accident, but given the way tensions had been building between the Argents and the Hales over the past two years, it’s extremely unlikely to be anything but deliberate.

The news reports say that search and rescue teams pulled multiple bodies out of the house, but no further information is given. He calls both Talia and Laura multiple times throughout the night, but there’s no response.

He opens the clinic at nine in the morning like he always does, in case someone shows up needing help. 

He doesn’t really think anyone will, because the Argents know about him. He’s been threatened by Gerard’s hunters in the past, and he expects the clinic is being watched. His help might end up getting even more people killed. 

So instead, he waits. 

And nothing happens. 

The day after the fire, the Sheriff brings in a search and rescue dog suffering from minor smoke inhalation. Deaton takes the opportunity to ask a few pointed questions under the guise of curiosity and casual conversation. 

He learns that a single survivor was pulled from the house, but his burns were so severe that the paramedics were shocked he was even still alive. Most of the remaining bodies had been identified, but three of the Hale children were still unaccounted for.

He doesn’t plan to ask the next question. He asks it anyway. “The bodies that you found—I understand if this is part of an ongoing investigation, and therefore privileged information—but I have to ask. Was Talia Hale…?” 

The Sheriff pauses and looks over at him, his manner shifting to something more traditionally professional. “Yeah, she was. Did you know her?”

Deaton nods. He isn’t surprised, but he needed the confirmation.

What he  _ is _ surprised by is just how entirely the bottom seems to have dropped out of his world. “She was a dear friend.”

Later, after signing the appropriate papers for the dog’s treatment, the Sheriff sighs.

“You know, there’s one thing I don’t understand,” he says, sliding the forms back across the counter. “We pulled seven bodies out of that house, and a lot of them were found near doors, windows… Fires can happen quickly, there’s a lot of chaos, I get that. But what I just can’t wrap my head around is why none of them tried to get out.”

Deaton shakes his head in what he hopes is an appropriately sympathetic manner, but he doesn’t respond, because all he can feel is anger.

He closes the clinic early, and calls Laura one last time. 

A tinny voice informs him that the number is no longer in service, and logically, he knows that the change is a good thing. It means she’s alive and gone to ground, and with any luck, the remaining Hale pack members are with her.

But it also means that she’s gone, and with her, his last connection to the pack.

He disconnects the call.

* * *

The Argents quietly pack up and move within a month. 

He makes a few discrete inquiries—Laura and Derek, the second survivor, had fled across the country to live in New York. He keeps an eye on them from afar as best he can, and assumes Laura will get in touch with him if she needs anything. 

He doesn’t hear from her.

* * *

A few months after that, Marin pays him a visit. She doesn’t doesn’t say much, but he knows his sister well enough that she doesn’t need words in order to express her condolences.

He also knows she doesn’t approve of his current course of action. 

When he breaks the silence, the tension in the room is practically palpable. “What do you want me to do?”

She shakes her head. “Anything, Alan. You know this isn’t over.”

Except it was.

For years, Beacon Hills had been the epicenter of a years-long cold war between supernaturals and hunters. But once that war burned hot, it was over nearly as soon as it started.

He was supposed to keep that from happening; preserve the balance. 

He’d failed.

Deaton glances over at his sister, and his chest tightens when he realizes that she still believes they can change things. 

He knows differently now. He failed, and the world kept spinning, because nature always comes back to an equilibrium. It found its own balance, and it isn’t the one he wanted, but his opinion and interference were neither requested nor needed. 

In his failure, he’s learned that he is fundamentally unnecessary.

He turns back to Marin, a sad smile playing at his lips. “I think perhaps it is over.”

Marin raises her eyebrows and fixes him with a look, but he’s not going to change his mind. Not about this.

“At least for me.”

* * *

Years pass, and Beacon Hills is quiet.

He builds a life for himself outside the supernatural. 

He focuses on his clinic, which sees a fair amount of business, as it’s the only veterinary practice in town. 

It’s not really something that someone once dedicated to keeping the balance should do, he thinks. After all, death is natural, and healing is an outside interference to the natural order. Each animal saved is a small upset to the equilibrium.

Each one feels like a small victory.

As the practice grows, the amount of work starts to become unwieldy for a single individual, so he hires an assistant. At sixteen, Scott McCall is young for a veterinary assistant, and Deaton mainly hires him to handle the clerical work and help care for the animals. The teenager surprises him by being sharp and eager to learn, and soon Deaton starts to teach him about the business and assign him other, more complicated tasks.

He finds he enjoys teaching, and Scott is an excellent student.

If their conversations stray to topics that allow him to dispense a little wisdom or advice--Well, that was once a very important part of his life. Some old habits are harder to break than others.

* * *

As he and Scott work together, Deaton learns that the teenager is not just intelligent and hard-working, but is remarkable for a second reason: he cares. Scott cares deeply about every single animal that passes through the doors of the clinic, and he wants to help them. Not just because it’s his job, but because it’s the right thing to do.

Working alongside Scott, Deaton starts to remember that healing is its own reward. 

Any petty revenge enacted on the universe with each animal saved is just a side benefit.

* * *

Unfortunately, balance cannot last forever. Six years after the fire, events start to cascade out of control again, just as quickly and unpredictably as they did before.

A deer with a symbol for revenge carved into its side is left in an overtly conspicuous location, and Laura contacts him for the first time since the fire.

He barely recognizes her, because the last time he saw her, she was still a kid. A teenager.

Now she looks like Talia.

He tells her he wishes he could help, but he doesn’t know anything more about it than she does. It’s the truth, but perhaps not the whole truth.

That’s when he realizes he is afraid to get involved. Afraid to help only for something terrible to happen to her as well.

Afraid to make things worse in a misguided attempt to keep the balance.

Laura thanks him for his time and leaves the clinic.

That evening, when Scott shows up for work, Deaton tells him they should make sure that the gate at reception stays closed. He tells him that it looks more professional that way, and he thinks Scott buys the excuse.

A couple days later, the Argents move back into town.

A couple days after that, he wakes up to a news report stating that the partial body of a young woman was found in the woods.

The body hasn’t been identified, but he learned long ago to expect the worst. The grief isn’t easier—it’s never easy—but it also doesn’t take him by surprise. Not like last time. 

That afternoon, at around the time Scott is scheduled to show up for work, the front door to the clinic opens, but no-one immediately comes into the back. He walks to the front, expecting a client, but instead finds Scott hesitating at the gate.

Deaton opens it, watching him carefully. He asks Scott if he’s all right, and the teen visibly startles at the question.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m—” he pauses. Doesn’t make eye contact. “I just had a bad night last night, that’s all.”

He doesn’t offer any more information, and Deaton doesn’t probe further, but his heart sinks. If this is the natural equilibrium, it strikes him as distinctly unfair. 

For the first time in six years, he starts to think what exactly he can do about it.

He leaves the gate open.

* * *

At first, all he can offer is advice and a sympathetic ear. He keeps an eye on Scott from afar, just as he still does with Derek, but part of him dreads the inevitable day when Scott stops showing up for work.

He doesn’t know whether it will be because Scott’s dead, or because he’s joined the Alpha.

But another full moon comes and goes, and while Scott misses a few shifts here and there, he keeps coming back. He stays in contact.

One night, while they’re closing up the clinic and talking about Scott’s plans to enroll in a pre-veterinary program after graduation, Deaton asks Scott why he wants to be a vet. 

Scott shrugs and shakes his head. “Well, I really do just like animals. But also…” He trails off, thinking. “It’s like, we see so many animals that need help, right? They’re sick, or injured, or they need protected. And we can help them. And I guess I just feel like, if nobody else is going to do it... Then maybe I need to.”

He’s not just talking about veterinary medicine any more, and Deaton smiles. 

The teenager’s conviction is infectious, and he starts to remember what it feels like to hope.

* * *

A few nights later, history repeats itself, and a group of hunters led by Kate Argent attack the Hale house.

Deaton doesn’t hear about it on the news the next morning, because this time, he’s there. He can’t stop them from taking Derek, but he watches as Scott escapes and runs into the woods, weakened by the poison coursing through his veins.

He catches up when Scott collapses, barely able to breathe, a smoking bullet wound in his side.

He doesn’t know what this is going to do to the balance, but if he’s completely honest with himself, he no longer cares. Scott is injured and desperately needs protecting, and for the first time in a long time, Deaton knows exactly what it is he needs to do. 

He picks Scott up. Carries him to his car.

“You’re going to be all right.”

* * *

Six years ago, the world shattered, but it didn’t end. 

For the longest time, he thought it was unfair that the world had kept spinning without taking the time to put itself back together. It took him years to realize that he needed to put himself back together first.

After rescuing Scott and confronting the new Alpha, he knew it wouldn’t be long before word began to spread that his retirement was over. 

He isn’t surprised when Marin pays him a second visit.

They still don’t see eye to eye in most respects, but it’s good to see her.

“After all these years,” she asks, “why now?”

It’s a good question, and one that he’s asked himself on multiple occasions. A few years ago, he didn’t believe that anything he did truly mattered; now, he finds that he can no longer bear to stand to the side. 

That acts of kindness and justice are worth it, even if nothing about the big picture is changed by them.

He shrugs. “They needed my help.”

She fixes him with a look, and if they were still children he can’t help but think she would’ve rolled her eyes. “People always need help, Alan. That didn’t stop you before.”

He concedes the point with a nod, and gives her a small smile. 

“Maybe I just found something to believe in.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a short ficlet I wrote for fictober this year, but I decided to expand on it, because the _feelings_ that I have! He endured so much and deserves so much, someone please help him.
> 
> Title is from "Another Story" by The Head and The Heart.


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